It’s gloomy. People move slowly through the mush of winter. Gone is the sparkle of new snow and the rush of the holidays.
What the world needs is a bright one. The person who smiles at you for no reason. A cheery remark. A splash of color.
It could be you today! Be that bright one for no reason.
Skate On!
Darla
Alex Rodriguez has his eye on the derby ladies. And they are glad he does!
He’s quite the favorite on the derby circuit. They lovingly gave him the skater name of Kiko Jones when he first showed up on the track to coach the Freshmeat (newbie derby skaters in training).
So what brought this giant of a man ( a former football player, marching band member, roller skater and skateboarder) to roller derby?
“It was a tough time in my life in 2008. Then the derby girls from Austin and Houston, where the derby revival began, needed some help in El Paso where they were staring a new league.”
“They needed help with equipment, wheels, bearings and such, and my background as a skateboarder was just the thing for them. It was just the thing I needed also in my life. I fell in love with the concept and gained so much respect for the ladies who worked so hard. They are special!”
The geologist and petroleum surveyor from El Paso went on to use his skills in the men’s derby league as a blocker. He officiates for three different leagues in three different cities.
“I serve as an outside pack ref, an inside pack ref, a jammer ref and the Eye in the Sky.” The last is not his favorite because he’s not on wheels, but it gives him the overview of the game he loves.
“Officiating is every bit as physically and mentally demanding as the game itself. Unlike many other sports, roller derby officials have to see the whole picture of a rule infraction before they can call it. What or who caused it, what the actual infraction is and what was the consequence. All in a split second and on wheels!”
Kiko Jones loves the sport of roller derby. But mostly he loves the girls.
“I’ve learned so much about women. Their passion, their many different and dynamic personalities, how they work so hard and sacrifice their bodies and times for the sport they love.
I love and respect women more than ever.”
SKATE ON, KIKO JONES!
Darla
(Look for more about Alex and other strong derby participants in the 2020 launch of Darla’s book and presentation “Strong Women, Fast Wheels, New Rules: How Roller Derby Can Change Your Life Without Ever Putting on Skates” – a look at the derby rules that can be applied to everyone’s life. Visit Darla’s website to watch for the release and to subscribe to blogs like this)
So, I am a bit stumped. I want to say something about saying nothing at all. Keeping your mouth shut. But how do I do that without saying something?
It’s a powerful thing, you know. Every park bench conversation has a moment when one or the other bench warmer has an opportunity to open the mouth and spit out what is on his or her mind. Or just shut up.
Reminds me of some iconic songs. “When You Say Nothing At All”, “Silence is Golden”, and of course, “The Sounds of Silence”.
Recently two of my bench companions had young visitors to their houses. Both visitors were fed a meal and said quite openly that they “don’t like it at all.”
A conversation ensued in both cases.
“I don’t like this. Yuk.”
“In my day, a guest didn’t say that, you know.”
“What am I supposed to say?”
“Say Thank You. Or take a bite and say you aren’t very hungry. Or push it around like you ate some of it.”
“But how will you ever know my opinion of it?”
“Who says I want to know?”
I like the second conversation even more.
“I don’t like this. Yuk.”
“OK, that’s fine. Next time you come over, bring your recipe and your money. You can go to the store and buy the food, cook it, put it in front of me and then I’ll tell you what I think about it.”
Since the world has moved well beyond Miss Manners to a place of opinion staters and influencers, where does Silence fit in?
Because Silence is an art form, you know. Silence speaks volumes. Silence has sound. Silence puts you in the power seat.
Or as Thumper’s mother said, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say nothing at all.” The best thing that ever came out of Disney.
SKATE ON!
(I’m really liking this painted bench from Las Condes, Santiago de Chile. I think she has her mouth shut…..)
Darla
The beauty of Bench Talk is that you become the One and Only. The only one to whom the conversation is directed. The Only person who has the ear of your companion at the moment.
It’s a rare thing, being the One and Only. And even though there may be a crowd around, it’s always possible to set up that scenario by just paying attention to the other guy.
I know (and I know you know) plenty of people who talk as if there is a mirror in front of them, practicing the way each sentence sounds.
And you must know plenty of listeners who are really not taking much in, poised for a period or a pause to jump in and say what it is they want to say.
But recently I heard a friend of mine address his banker on the phone like this: “I know you have many other clients. And those clients are very important also. But right now, for just this moment, I need you to make me feel like I am your one and only client.”
So, even though there may be many, many other folks out there reading this blog post, let me assure you that you are the one and only reader for this moment. Your attention makes a difference.
Thanks for being that One and Only! Just wanted to drop in and say that.
SKATE ON!
Darla
(See the love story below behind this Chimayo, New Mexico bench)
Every bench has a story or two (or probably many more!) that you just don’t know until you strike up a conversation. Certainly the bench isn’t talking!
The owner of the coffee shop/art gallery in Chimayo explained this is a bench his father made by hand for his mother as a wedding present. They would sit looking out at the mountains, the sanctuary across the road and the neighbors who lived on the dirt square—all of whose ancestors came together from Spain to settle in New Mexico.
His parents now look only from their framed photos on the wall. Their son says he doesn’t know how to make benches, even though he is an artist himself. But he will never throw this one away, no matter how old it gets. He will put a fresh coat of paint on it, maybe replace a cushion, but it will stay in the family that still lives on the square.
So, that made me remember a bench conversation with Susan. We shared that each of us had box of old love letters hidden away. Neither of us had looked in the boxes for a long time. The authors were for the most part gone from our lives. No one is meant to read them.
“Why do we keep them, these old love letters?” I asked her.
She answered.
“We keep them because there are some days you just need to be reminded that you have been loved.”
I think that’s a lovely reason, don’t you?
SKATE ON!
Darla
