Category Archives: Art of the Listen – Bench Talk

What you hear when you really listen is much richer than what you hear when you talk. Read some of Darla’s thoughts as she listens to other’s stories.

Art of the Listen - Bench Talk, True Derby

A BARREL OF THOUGHTS….

So, here’s a special bench to celebrate the opening of rodeos across the US this month. And all the people who love to talk about the sport.

One thing about benches, you tend to walk right by them and not give a second look.

Except maybe this one in Dothan, Alabama..

Even I, Darla, (whom I humbly consider to be a connoisseur of benches) had to do a double take.

What is it? Barrels? Like the kind the rodeo riders race around? Apparently so.

Makes you just want to try to sit on it, no? Or maybe not. Or at least have a conversation about it…

Derby is that way. Here you are, a normal looking human being, and you tell someone you do roller derby in your spare time and the answer is usually, “Wha.a.at?

Makes them look again at you in a new and interesting way.

(Now, rodeo, that may be a little different because all rodeo folk have this kind of swagger that makes you look again, anyway…)

Point of this barrel of thoughts is that maybe today is a good day to take a second look at the people around you and not just walk on by again. Maybe you don’t know as much about them as you think.

There may be a barrel of stuff you could find out if you just ask a few bench talk questions.

…except maybe not on this bench.

SKATE ON, Y’ALL!

Darla

(Thanks to Travis for sending the photo.)

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Art of the Listen - Bench Talk

WHY WE SAVE OLD LOVE LETTERS

(See the love story below behind this Chimayo, New Mexico bench)

Every bench has a story or two (or probably many more!) that you just don’t know until you strike up a conversation. Certainly the bench isn’t talking!

The owner of the coffee shop/art gallery in Chimayo explained this is a bench his father made by hand for his mother as a wedding present. They would sit looking out at the mountains, the sanctuary across the road and the neighbors who lived on the dirt square—all of whose ancestors came together from Spain to settle in New Mexico.

His parents now look only from their framed photos on the wall. Their son says he doesn’t know how to make benches, even though he is an artist himself. But he will never throw this one away, no matter how old it gets. He will put a fresh coat of paint on it, maybe replace a cushion, but it will stay in the family that still lives on the square.

So, that made me remember a bench conversation with Susan. We shared that each of us had box of old love letters hidden away. Neither of us had looked in the boxes for a long time. The authors were for the most part gone from our lives. No one is meant to read them.

“Why do we keep them, these old love letters?” I asked her.

She answered.

“We keep them because there are some days you just need to be reminded that you have been loved.”

I think that’s a lovely reason, don’t you?

SKATE ON!

Darla

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Art of the Listen - Bench Talk

PINK FEBRUARY….

(One of my favorite benches in Glacier National Park, Montana)

It’s a Hallmark thing, you know. The February theme of pink hearts.

Candy hearts. Paper valentines in homemade, elementary school boxes. Restaurant reservations, pink and red flower bouquets and the renewal of unwavering love between couples.

The pink heart thing in February also reminds us to eat better and keep the blood flowing through our pink veins.

Personally, I like all those things! I like hearts. I like paper valentines. Most of the time I like pink, except when it is completely overdone!

But there are the Februaries when maybe it’s not so pink. The times when you think you may be the only one without a sweetheart or flowers. The sole bench in a vast, brown field of being alone.

And you sort of want to go tear up all those pink Hallmark things that are winging their way through February, yes?

That’s why I like this bench so much. Right in the middle of brown, dried nowhere, L amd M found time to carve their initials here.

Who are L and M? Lovers? Friends out for a hike? Giggling teenagers high on graffiti?

You know, my dear reader, it doesn’t really matter because obviously L and M found love in the moment. Maybe in a conversation, a shared laugh, a commitment to each otherness, or just some quiet time together on a park bench.

So this February when it gets too pink for you, open up your heart in the moment to someone. Share a feeling, a memory, a dream. Because in the moment is really the only place love lives.

And, it’s a whole better feeling than a restaurant reservation, I tell you.

SKATE ON!

Darla

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Art of the Listen - Bench Talk

to swim or not to swim..

(bench overlooking river in Glacier National Park, Montana)

As you know, I am a great respecter of Bench Time. Bench talk. Bench reflection.

I am an even bigger fan of sitting and watching the water. Lake water. Ocean waves. Babbling creeks.

Looking at water soothes the soul. Makes you one with nature. Gets you back in rhythm.

And if you can combine the two…that is, bench time and water watching, what could be better?

But at some point you have to get off the bench and back into life.

And life is a contact sport. That’s the only way you learn anything. Get physical. Come into contact with the world. Learn to push forward and take your hits with grace.

Take it from Austin roller derby girl Auntie Venon who wrote several years back about her experience as “fresh meat”, a derby wanna-be in training.

“Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes you will get sore/bruised/broken/devastated. Derby is not a sport where you can avoid everything. If you want to avoid contact, try swimming.”

I like it.

SKATE ON!

Darla

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Art of the Listen - Bench Talk

MOVING ON………

(thanks to Sheryl for this photo of the bench at Harbor Bridge in Sydney, Australia)

So, why put a bench on a bridge?  Aren’t you supposed to be moving on to the other side instead of sitting?

Well, maybe that’s the point.   Maybe it’s that time you take to sit and realized you are moving on.

Here it is a week since we turned the New Year, and wasn’t that a great transition?  A celebration of the past year, a toast to the future and maybe a kiss in the now of the moment.

But did you even give that transition a thought this morning when you got up?  You have already moved on, right?

It’s easy to take those reflective moments at important crossroad times, say, New Year’s Eve, birthdays, anniversaries, graduations, births, marriages, job changes, house changes.

 Especially deaths.

But every day is a moving on day, really, don’t you see?  And every transition during the day gives you an opportunity to stop for a brief moment, think about what just happened (even if it was talking out the trash) and feel alive.   Before you move on.

So, find a bench, a quiet spot, a moment in the empty space while sitting at a red light and enjoy the experience you just had.

Then move on down the path.

That’s my bench talk for today.  Have a glorious one where ever you go.

SKATE ON!

Darla

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