Category Archives: Art of the Listen – Bench Talk

What you hear when you really listen is much richer than what you hear when you talk. Read some of Darla’s thoughts as she listens to other’s stories.

Art of the Listen - Bench Talk

TALK DERBY TO DARLA….

So, you know I’m really a character in a novel, right?

And the time has come for my author, Cynthia Darwin, to write a followup to “Darla the Roller Derby Queen” …..with YOUR stories.

The next publication, “Darla’s Derby Rules of Life” needs your first hand accounts of derby, its effects on your life (good and bad) and some insiders info.

So we’ll be going around trying to find derby stories…from skaters, officials, significant others and fans.

If you want to be part of DDRL, drop Darla a note on her website contact section, tweet or message me on Facebook from my website.

Or share this post with someone you know who has a derby tale to tell.

I’ll be back in touch personally with questions. Look forward to hearing from you and…

SKATE ON!

Darla

(like this cell phone holder? You can get it on Amazon.com)

Art of the Listen - Bench Talk

The Eyes have it…

So, this is a bench that should make you look. And make you smile…all the way to your eyes.

Doesn’t matter whether it’s very comfortable. Or whether you get that it’s made of skateboards (slightly used and bent, maybe).

Or that maybe you can’t make out all the words or understand the languages displayed on the bench.

It’s going to make you smile.

And let’s say someone else walks by and looks at this bench and smiles at you. Or laughs. Or shrugs.

You don’t have to understand that person’s language. Or why they smiled at you. Or even what they are thinking. The eyes have it.

Long before socially accepted manners said you shouldn’t stare at someone…or social media allowed you to converse without looking at the other person…we were talking with our eyes.

So try a little bench talk with your eyes today. It makes a world of a difference in the world.

That’s my bench advice for the day (she says, eyes smiling.)

SKATE ON!

Darla

Art of the Listen - Bench Talk, True Derby

WASN’T EASY BEING US…

Sharing a bench talk recently with a woman about my age, we of course had to go back and recount the old days…back when women were entering the workplace and the sports field without many of the regulations and considerations today.

She shook her head with a wry grin. “You know, it wasn’t easy being us back then.”

Reminds me a bit of something the women in roller derby back in the 60’s and 70’s might say to each other (and maybe they do!)

Ask anyone (except the folks who have been initiated into derby) and you’ll probably hear how he or she watched the spectacle on television as entertainment. Most often it is compared to televised female wrestling of the time.

Yet even back in those olden days women had to be incredible athletes, often competing head to head on the same tracks as the male skaters. Colleen English of Penn State penned a good article on the dilemma of women derby skaters of the 60’s and 70’s — “Women in the Roller Derby: Groundbreaking Athletes or Entertaining Celebrities”

In the article she quotes sportscasters of the day…
“Sportwriter Frank Deford, in Five Strides on the Banked Track, written in 1971, took a slightly nuanced view of women in roller derby.,.. Despite Deford’s somewhat progressive attitude toward the role of women in roller derby—he noted their perpetual inclusion—he still saw them as a potential distraction and as not part of the “real” game. Deford goes as far as to blame women for derby’s reputation as a spectacle, writing that “there is no doubt that it is the women who give the game its tawdry, sideshow image” and that fans may initially come to see the women skaters but “stay to enjoy the faster, harder, men’s play.” 

Today derby is considered first an incredibly tough woman’s sport, although the number of men’s and coed teams are growing as well as inclusion of transgender athletes. But the women are setting the rules now as well as the social standards. It’s worth your watch.

Maybe they will be able to say on a bench sometime in the future, “Wasn’t it great being us…”

SKATE ON!

Darla

Art of the Listen - Bench Talk

My One and only

The beauty of Bench Talk is that you become the One and Only. The only one to whom the conversation is directed. The Only person who has the ear of your companion at the moment.

It’s a rare thing, being the One and Only. And even though there may be a crowd around, it’s always possible to set up that scenario by just paying attention to the other guy.

I know (and I know you know) plenty of people who talk as if there is a mirror in front of them, practicing the way each sentence sounds.

And you must know plenty of listeners who are really not taking much in, poised for a period or a pause to jump in and say what it is they want to say.

But recently I heard a friend of mine address his banker on the phone like this: “I know you have many other clients. And those clients are very important also. But right now, for just this moment, I need you to make me feel like I am your one and only client.”

So, even though there may be many, many other folks out there reading this blog post, let me assure you that you are the one and only reader for this moment. Your attention makes a difference.

Thanks for being that One and Only! Just wanted to drop in and say that.

SKATE ON!

Darla

Art of the Listen - Bench Talk, Scabs and Other Body Parts

WEARING YOUR GREEN

Ay, it’s that month and time when the wee folk remind us how important it is to be ‘a wearing of the green.

So I’m thinking, as I ponder the sweetness of sitting on this grass bench, that probably that tradition is not truly about the color of your shirt or scarf,.. any more than the color of your derby team jersey says anything, really, about your personality and inner core strength

I’m thinking maybe the wee folk wanted us to remember what the green stands for.

(Well, dear, certainly we think of the Emerald Isle from wince the tradition is associated. And the green, green grass of home.  And the green of Spring, busting out all over.  And putting our toes in the lush, new grass coming up around us.  But maybe there’s more…)

What about the green we wear everyday in our own skins?

Going way back…say really way back to the old folk who gave us the colors emanating from the different parts of our body…we find the green of the heart.

Not the reddish hue of the organ beating regularly in our chest, but the color of the feelings coming out of our hearts. 

It’s the green of balance, unconditional love.  Love of one’s self.  Good health, happiness, prosperity and abundance  (like those shoots popping out everywhere).  Calm. Serenity.

And when its “off”, that green of the heart comes out as jealousy, greed, lack of self esteem.

I could go on, you know, but right now I’ll just relish this grass bench and have a nice sit.  Thanks to Sheryl for the lovely grass bench photo from Napier, New Zealand!

Have a wonderful March day and be wearin’ your glorious, green heart proudly!

SKATE ON!

Darla