Category Archives: Art of the Listen – Bench Talk

What you hear when you really listen is much richer than what you hear when you talk. Read some of Darla’s thoughts as she listens to other’s stories.

Art of the Listen - Bench Talk, Political Muck and Such

SOME HIPPIE ADVICE FOR TODAY’S WORLD

Like the peace sign. Peaceful marches. Lean on me brotherly love.

Without the current sharp sword of social media or the leaning left and right media coverage, most of that love sign advice was communicated in songs.

One that keeps rattling around my brain these days has these lyrics:

“I knew a man that I did not care for. And then one day, that man gave me a call. We sat and talked about things on our minds. And now that man, he is a friend of mine…”

(from “Reach Out of the Darkness”, Friend and Lover, 1968,)

So whether you remember that group or ever heard the song, it rings truer now that ever.

It’s just simple people science. When you speak of a group of folks all separated out and lumped together by their color/gender/sexual preference/political party/statehood/nationality…you name it…you know nothing about them.

Nothing. Except what you read in the sharp social media posts or left/right leaning media.

When you sit and talk about things on your mind, you find out all kinds of mind-altering things about that other person that may have absolutely nothing to do with the topic at hand.

Get curious. You may find a friend.

Reach out of the darkness and give it a try. There’s really nothing uncomfortable about it.

Just some 50 year old advice….and a groovy song.

SKATE ON!

Darla

Art of the Listen - Bench Talk, True Derby

PANDEMIC PHENOMENON – ROLLER SKATES SELL OUT

The Covid-19 shutdowns may have shuttered the roller derby season for 2020, but there is no lack of eight-wheeled, social distancing skating going on as a result of the times.

What more perfect way to glide through a shutdown than with a pair of skates, an open sidewalk, maybe a family outing.

A definite rush and a shot of physically produced serotonin!

But good luck finding skates if you don’t have some in your closet already.

Google Trends reports a surge of online searches for “roller skates” during the pandemic lockdown. And not just idle searches. That phenomenon has translated in the actual sales…or sell outs!

Would-be skaters complain they can’t find skates in stock. Major online skate retailers say they struggle to keep sizes and styles in inventory.

Some people say a certain LA actress and dancer named Ana Coto started the trend with her Tik-Tok escapades on skates (see BuzzFeedNews article: “These Very Cool Women On Tik-Tok Are Causing Roller Skates to Sell Out Online”)

Maybe her 1.1 million hits prove she created the pandemic phenomenon, but as she says herself “just watching people skate is good vibes all around.”

A glimmer of hope for those sidelined derby skaters — Germany just opened up for team training with proper safety measures. You can count on roller derby coming back strong soon.

And maybe some of those owners of new quad skates will take notice and come out for freshmeat auditions.

But if not, let’s just revel in the revival of roller skating.

SKATE ON!

Darla

(visit www.darlatherollerderbyqueen.com to subscribe to Darla’s regular blogs)

Art of the Listen - Bench Talk, Scabs and Other Body Parts

Will we ever touch again?

Six feet away.

“Will we ever hug again?” is the question of the day. As we creep out of our seclusions, will the bright light of the sun maybe do away with the guy who put us there?

Are we touch deprived?

Will it be different now for friends who formerly met each other with a hug? For strangers who began a greeting with a handshake? Or even for that anonymous shopper in the store whose shoulder you used to touch briefly in order to pass by?

Will people continue to avert their eyes from each other in an effort to keep distance? Will their lips tense just the tiniest of bits as someone walks toward them with a smile?

When the masks come off…and they will…will we approach the world with invisible gloves still on?

Here’s what I think, as I muse on a bench six feet away from anyone else.

Yes. Most of us will come to hug or offer our hand in greeting again, despite the warnings. We may just do it a little differently.

Now we know about long distance communication. We picked up the phone and called old friends. We zoomed into family reunions, office meetings and support groups.

We learned the power of a “Like”. We shared intimate details of our lives with the world…such as the type of pyjamas we wear or the true color of our hair.

We shared our fears, our disdain, our loves…without leaving the house. We laughed out loud with others thousands of miles away.

We did touch each other.

Down the street, out there in the bright sun, I see people gathering again. Music booms from car speakers. Could it be the sidewalk looks almost crowded by comparison? It appears the distances are shrinking.

I hope we don’t forget the ways we learned to touch each other when we were six feet away. I would miss that closeness.

SKATE ON!

Darla

(As far as I know, the park bench above is a widely shared, photo-shopped piece of fun. Credit unknown.)

For more Darla or to receive future blogs, go to Darla’s website and touch base. www.darlatherollerderbyqueen.com

Art of the Listen - Bench Talk, True Derby

WHAT YOUR GUT FEEL IS TELLING YOU THESE DAYS….

Yes, there is a virus out there. What does your gut tell you about it?

That cold clutch in the stomach. Those fluttering butterflies.

Your gut tells you how you are reacting to the situation.

And it’s contagious.

Ask the derby girls on the bench waiting for the action of the bout. Wondering if they will get hurt. Hoping they will get in to make the big move. Anticipation. Or perhaps “What am I doing here?”

Maybe not a huge difference in the way your gut feels.

But…..one is fear. The other is excitement.

Check into your gut. Which is it? Depends on what you were just thinking about at that moment.

Anger is about the past, something that has already taken place. Disappointment is about the past. Sadness and Blame are about the past. So is your gut reacting to something you can’t do anything about?

Or is it fear? Fear and Anxiety are about the future. Also something you can’t control.

And here’s the way it works. The very moment you tune into that crazy stomach and check into what you were thinking, now it isn’t either! Now it’s Curiousity. Peace in some cases. Understanding. Acceptance.

Or an “Ah, Ha” moment. And that can lead to Excitement, Anticipation. Laughter.

So yes, there is a virus or something out there. Check your gut.

Feel better?

Great. Spread that around.

SKATE ON!

Darla

(2017 photo of the Lava City Smoking Ashes derby squad,taken by Michael Smith)

Want more of Darla’s blogs? Visit www.darlatherollerderbyqueen.com

Art of the Listen - Bench Talk, Political Muck and Such, Scabs and Other Body Parts

WHAT ARE YOU SHARING TODAY?

1 Comment

So, we no longer shake hands or hug friends at a gathering. This week I was taught we can only touch feet with shoes on, touch elbows, or just make a kind of queenly wave at each other as we come in the door.

I’m okay with that, I guess, as long as we can brandish a great smile at each other upon meeting.

But where’s the smile behind all those masks?

Don’t misunderstand.

We need to protect one another from spreadable diseases (even though I’m not sure the mask does all that….)

I liked this article today from a major news outlets (“Coronavirus: Does worrying increase your risk of getting sick?”} that asks: what exactly are we spreading?

“We’re in this fear state, but the fear state turns down the immune system. When you spread fear to your friends, it’s almost like spreading germs to them. You wouldn’t want people to do that to you. We shouldn’t do that to other people,” said David Ropeik.

So, just like a smile or a yawn, fear can also be contagious, he says.

Maybe we do need masks every once in a while, but you can always smile with your eyes.

SKATE ON!

Darla